Category Archives: Text Adventures

That Villain Love

“Romance,” says James Scott Bell in Writing Great Fiction: Self-Editing and Revision, “is about the characters trying to get love.”

Every romance writer who reads that will cringe. Getting love? Like it’s a medal you win at the end of a race, or a prize you earn for doing everything correctly? It sounds absurd. It sounds boring. It doesn’t sound like anything I look for when I pick up a romance novel.

This kind of thing comes up over and over, if you read enough books on writing. Here’s Steven James on constructing the opening scene of your manuscript: “If you’re writing a romance story, they [readers] want to see normal life for the young man or woman who’s searching for love.” Again: love as a singular aim. Straight as an arrow. Dull as dishwater.

Off the top of my head, I find it hard to think of many romances where love is the hero or heroine’s one and only desire. “Searching for love” is so painfully vague! On the other hand there are thousands of romance novels where people are desperate to stay away from love—books where a newly blossoming basket of feelings does nothing but cause trouble and mess up everyone’s plans and lives and expectations. Love in a romance is narrative kudzu. It takes root and grows and grows until it engulfs the world.

Think about our favorite tropes: The widowed duke whose history of familial abuse means he keeps his emotions carefully walled away. The governess who simply intends to teach her difficult charge and live a quiet, peaceful life far from the secret scandals of her past. The cupcake-loving heroine who has her hands full running a small bakery and can spare no time for dating. The billionaire who thinks a committed relationship will only slow him down from being a ruthless competitor. Even in that classic romance Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth’s goal is not really: “search for a loving and worthy partner.” It’s more: “don’t get railroaded into marrying total assholes just to keep from starving.”

It would be far more accurate to say not that romance novel characters are looking to get love, but that love is looking to get them.

Continue reading That Villain Love

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Catullus 5

For a recent milestone birthday, Mr. Waite and I flew to Italy for ten days of food, wine, and historical geeking out. On the plane I realized I’d neglected to take even a scrap of Latin poetry with me — a shameful omission for an amateur classicist on her first visit to Rome.

Luckily, my Latin professor had always insisted we memorize at least one poem, so I had Catullus 5 available upon request from my brain. It is one of the most breathtakingly romantic poems in history. And because it was a very lengthy flight, I had time to work out the following rather loose translation into verse.

Enjoy!

We’ll live my darling, and we’ll love,
And all those grim and senile sneers
We’ll hold a cheap accounting of.
The sun can set and reappear,
But us, we burn so brief and brave
That one day’s light is all we get
Before night tucks us in the grave.
Give me a thousand kisses, yet
Another hundred and again
A second thousand, and then add
The sum twice more, with tips. And when
We’ve kissed so much that we have had
To turn the counter back to none
Let’s keep the number hidden so
The haters hating down below
Can’t nullify a single one.

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Astronaut Heroes and Heroines: A Romance Sampler

{Courting Critique is a post series that takes a literary-critical and intersectional feminist look at romance texts — not so much to prove that romance is feminist or anti-feminist, but because good analysis can be as fun and escapist as a love story. Spoilers abound!}

I’ve been waiting years, actual years, to get my hands on Margot Shetterly’s Hidden Figures book (and you’ve heard there’s going to be a movie! Starring Taraji P. Henson and Olivia Spencer and my favorite Janelle Monáe!). The book comes out quite soon now, and I could not be more excited.

Meanwhile, I passed time reading all the astronaut romances I could reasonably get my hands on. We’re talking real-world Cold War space-race or contemporary astronauts and cosmonauts — no astronomers, sci-fi spaceship pilots, or telescope-loving Regency misses allowed (much as I adore those). Naturally, this led to some thoughts about how the role of astronaut is presented in this small slice of the romance genre. I’ll let the argument unfold in the same way I found it: chronologically in reading order.

Cover image for Heaven's Time by Susan PlunkettHeaven’s Time by Susan Plunkett

Readers who miss the old style of romances jam-packed with plot and melodrama will want to check this one out. Heroine Melissa Fuller is a former foster child turned astronaut, who names the stars after the people who tried to love her but who tragically died. (Her childhood: SUPER rough.) She has shut down all social ties to achieve success in her career, and then when she finally does get into space a meteor shower damages her capsule (this was written decades before Gravity!) and sends her hurtling toward the Earth and her death. She has just enough time to regret never letting anyone get close to her before a giant beam made of greeny-purple magic reaches up from the planet and grabs her.

Continue reading Astronaut Heroes and Heroines: A Romance Sampler

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Jane’s Cowboy’s Father’s Secret Space Ranch

{Olivia never met a fake romance title she didn’t immediately want to write. This story title was found during a magnificent workshop given by Courtney Milan and Alisha Rai during RWA 2016. Enjoy!}

Something was wrong with the cows.

Jane glared at the GPS monitor, which showed the location of every animal the Bar Sinister Ranch owned on the plateau. Normally the herd moved as an amorphous, amoeba-like blob within the boundary fences, drifting to and fro in search of water and good grazing.

Today, they were making patterns. Human patterns. Clear, recognizable shapes no cow should know anything about. It was, to Jane’s mind, odd.

She crested the final rise and brought the Jeep to a skidding stop. Sure enough, there they were. Three hundred head of Flying Guernsey, standing precisely in the outline of a giant cartoon heart.

One thing the GPS hadn’t been able to show her: they were glowing. Continue reading Jane’s Cowboy’s Father’s Secret Space Ranch

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