Tag Archives: wearable nostalgia

Achievement Unlocked: Geeky Merit Badges by Storied Threads

Apologies for the light blogging right now — there’s a looming deadline and the writing fingers have been tripping over themselves to meet it.

In the meantime, please enjoy a selection of geek-themed merit badges from Storied Threads on Etsy. We here at Olivia Waite knew that the best part of being a Girl Scout was not the cookie drive (so much pressure to sell! so much pressure not to eat all the Tagalongs!) but rather the accumulation of merit badges. And these badges are most excellent.

A black round patch with a red border. Sans serif red block letters with yellow outlines advise: "Don't panic."

A Tardis-blue round badge with a darker blue border. Calligraphic script in silver says: "Lots of planets have a north." Below is a tilted compass rose in black, white, and silver.

An oval white badge with a black border. On the left is a profile outlined in black of a thin, pretty woman with red lips and dark mascara. Her long red hair falls in embroidered waves and her eyes are closed. Calligraphic script on the right in black reads: "The Girl Who Waited."

A round merit badge with a yellow center, beige outer circle, and black border. A large silver drill is centered, and around it black text reads: "Boneshaker Project Seattle."

Green round badge with black border. Black mod text is fit to the round shape and reads: "Mewling Quim."

Still can’t believe they snuck the word ‘quim’ into a movie with a PG-13 rating. I just about choked on my popcorn.

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Things: Still Busy!

Writing to hit a deadline. No time for blogging. But always time to point out the existence of snazzy accessories with literary themes, like this Homeric cuff:

by Etsy seller JezebelCharms

Hopefully there will be a real blog post up Friday. But if not, it’s because I’m writing too much fiction. Pretty much a win-win!

And if you missed it, Generous Fire earned a recommendation from Romantic Geek Girl!

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This Star Trek Post is Brought to You by Not Getting Whooping Cough

So there is a pertussis epidemic afoot in our neck of the woods at present, and after one local news source referred to it as the Hundred Day Cough—the Napoleon of viruses!—I ran out and got myself vaccinated.

At which point my brain fell all to pieces.

It’s not whooping cough, and it’s not an allergic reaction: it’s just my body taking energy to make antibodies, like it’s supposed to. But it has drained all the thinky-juice from my brain-parts, so instead of making headway on any of my works-in-progress I am weeping over episodes of My Little Pony (that poor tortoise just wants to be loved!) and watching a lot of original series Star Trek for the first time ever.

Which is why I want to talk about the Unnamed Female Romulan Commander.

A still shot from 'The Enterprise Incident,' featuring (among other figures) the Unnamed Female Romulan Commander in a long-sleeved, two-tone asymettrical mini-dress with black over-the-knee boots and sheer black hose.

That’s her there, center left, in one of the greatest outfits Star Trek has ever given humanity. She appears in an episode called ‘The Enterprise Incident,’ which is also pretty fantastic. The UFRC is in charge of the Romulan flagship (!) with a cloaking device, and spends most of her on-screen time seducing Spock (!!) using her words, logic, and that incredible minidress-boot combination. (Which is, of course, what any right-thinking dude-inclined woman would do if dropped into a Star Trek episode.) All while trying to also seduce him into defecting, which somehow doesn’t come across as evil so much as it does, well, strategic. Spock is clearly a badass and good to have on your side, plus if he’s fighting with the Romulans then she can keep seducing him, and it feels like everybody wins.

Spock, of course, is there to steal the cloaking device. There’s an elaborate game of espionage being played, though the episode goes to some lengths to keep the reveal from happening too early. It’s one of Star Trek‘s most effectively plotted stories. And though the UFRC doesn’t win, she’s not humiliated, and she’s treated with the respect due to her rank by everyone on the Enterprise, and Spock even privately admits that their brief sexytimes will have a greater impact on him than the theft of the cloaking device.

And then she disappears from the Star Trek universe forever.

This is unacceptable.

I mean, look at her accomplishments!

  • She can command a damn Romulan flagship, which bespeaks a certain amount of ruthless intelligence and political cunning, but she is never vicious or cruel in the use of her power.
  • She can seduce both the human and Vulcan sides of Spock, and very nearly bend him to her will without denting his awesomeness or independence. Not even Kirk can do this—except in the slashier areas of internet fandom (love you, K/S!).
  • She respects the rights and dignity of her prisoners, even those she has condemned to death.
  • She does not lose control when she discovers Spock’s betrayal, and she is as gracious in defeat as she is in victory.
  • She has emotions and expresses them, but they are not her sole motivation.
  • She manages to find two flattering, tasteful outfits in the Star Trek universe—which let me tell you, is no small feat. I expect she has a personal dressmaker on staff, because every other non-Federation lady has the worst outfits.

I don’t really have a larger point here. Just that one of the weaknesses of the original series is a tendency to ignore opportunities for long-form narrative arcs, as well as a distressing amount of sexism for a show that was/is considered a progressive benchmark. Following up on the UFRC would have been an excellent way to address both.

And if anyone knows where I can find a replica of that minidress, please let me know.

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Horrible Hats: An Etsy Roundup

Let’s get right to the point: here are some very expensive things you can buy on Etsy and put on your head if you have no sense of taste, style, or self-respect.

Ruby Feathers White Fox Fur and Macaw War Bonnet by rubyfeathers

I don’t have to explain why this is horrible, do I? Why wearing a fake war bonnet “inspired by Mayan and North American culture” is offensive to Mayans, Native Americans, and anyone who is actually fighting one of the many known and covert wars we’ve got going on right now? But if you really want to spend a cool five grand advertising your complete assholery to others, go right ahead, I guess.

Molecular Mermaid Helmet by jasminzorlu

Supposedly this hat was custom-ordered by Erikah Badu—and there’s evidence—but our main advertising image really oughta be a (topless?) white Drew Barrymore lookalike. Black celebrity endorsements don’t mean anything on Etsy.

Beatrice by KatieBurley

We must face facts: bees are adorable. And the “Beatrice” pun is tickling my weird little funny bone. But if I’m going to spend this much money on a hat it had better be encrusted with fine crystals.

Swarovski Crystal Encrusted Mini Top Hat by venusinchains

That’s better.

TBA by hatsbytracytooker

The only thing more ridiculous than paying a thousand dollars for someone else’s idea of a hat is paying Etsy listing fees for an item you haven’t made yet. And she has a dozen similar listings.

But she’s also got things like this:

Triumph by hatsbytracytooker

Someone tell Chuck Wendig we’ve found Miriam Black‘s hat!

Wedding Cake by hatmosphere2008

When I look at this hat, I hear a gravelly announcer voice: “… and Darryl Hannah as Miss Havisham.”

From the same seller:

Falconers Hood by hatmosphere2008

Description: “This is a human size hat made in the style of the Falcon hoods. It is made of a high quality leather, with bead work, crystals , and feathers. It is comfortable lined and fits most female heads. The corset like back must be loosened to get on and tightened for a snug fit.”

Most. Female. Heads.

That is Serial Killer 101 right there.

For more advanced students, we have:

Kinich Ahau Sun God Mask by whitcritt

But wait—there’s more!

Kinich Ahau Sun God Mask by whitcritt

The mask was supposedly made by some dude in Hawaii, but the seller is in Los Angeles. It’s an Etsy mystery!

Today’s winner:

Small Ship Fascinator by ProfMaelstromme

The reason this wins is that it is based on a historical hat!

Amazing.

{This post brought to you by the indifferently stylish author of such historical romances as Damned if You Do and Hearts and Harbingers, both of which feature attractive heroes who are naked 90% of the time.}

 

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