The Vampire Sherlock

We here at Olivia Waite are a little old-fashioned. We like typewriters, and postcards, and bicycles where the front wheel is considerably larger than the back no matter how impractical that makes them for the hilly city in which we live. We are also therefore a little late to certain cultural enthusiasms, particularly A) the vampire craze, and B) Sherlock Holmes. And since we started looking into these at around the same time, they became kind of linked in the mysterious tendrils of our brain, until we came up with the following brilliant idea, that we cannot really believe nobody has written about before:

Sherlock Holmes could totally be a vampire.

A medium shot of actor Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes, with a mysterious paper in one hand and his index finger pressed against contemplative lips.

Admittedly, most of the theory originates not from the Sherlock stories -- working through them slowly but steadily -- but from the Jeremy Brett series that ran in spurts for ten years starting in 1984. Of which I have seen every episode. And developed more than a passing crush on the late, lamented Mr. Brett.

Thus, without further ado: points of commonality between a traditional, non-sparkly vampire and Sherlock Holmes:

  • black hair slicked back from a widow's peak
  • pale skin
  • pointy eyebrows often raised to indicate a superiority of intellect
  • elegant clothing, but never dandyish
  • master of disguise, as either a bat or a working-class laborer, respectively
  • a predatory brain, which searches out prey in the form of edible humans or clever criminals
  • a preference for shadows and the city and not, say, country hikes on a sunny spring afternoon
  • eloquence
  • coolness of manner, particularly toward lesser beings
  • the ability to enthrall and fascinate individuals of weaker mind (cough cough Watson cough)
  • a general air of what could only be termed bloodlessness
  • a cruel streak
  • an addiction to something polite society finds distasteful (blood, cocaine)

There are a few distinctions -- vampires tend to commit murders rather than foil them, and are generally depicted as more popular with/fond of the ladies than dear Sherlock caught up in his Watson bromance -- but on the whole there's something appealing in the idea of a dark-haired man with a powerful nose and piercing eyes, flitting through the night solving crimes and drinking blood.

After all, if Jane Austen can turn vampire, anybody's fair game.